first snow; ever so daringly ordinary

"first snow" from balcony 

22nd December was the first snow in my life, in my neighbourhood! Oh well technically not in my life. My first snow was kinda lowkey, it was when i first arrived on March if you look up the news there was a time this year when the snow suddenly appear during the sakura season. That was my first snow, but i was in class that time, i only saw it through the window sad. 

But this one,  i was in my room @ 2AM just finished watching Goblin for the 3rd time in my life and was wildly singing to Ailee's I'll come to you like the first snow ever so out of tune feat my cracking voice but i can assure you the emotion is there (this is really legit) when I hear a knock on my sliding door facing the view of the town.

"Yuki !! (means snow in japanese)" ーmy housemate.

Then i step out, snow was falling mad lightly. Rain hits hard, snow falls lightly. Harder then flower petals but lighter than raindrops. And mate it was sejukkk

nak mammpus

And i took my phone, any camera i have to capture the moment, i know you supposed to enjoy the moment but snow rarely fall in Tokyo and even if it did, it did not pile up. Fun fact, not all place gets piled up with snow and turns white in the after math. There are lowkey snow and highkey snow, lowkey snow is wet because it turns watery by the time it hits, highkey snow is the one that piles up and you can lay down and make a butterfly and beat the shit out of your friends with the snow balls. I used internet language but you know what i mean. I know this fact when my dad dissed my decision to go to Tokyo because he said Tokyo don't snow as much as Hokkaido do, then he kept going on and on about his beloved Hokkaido. (He been to Hokkaido some years ago)

Anyway, lowkey or highkey snow, i came from the equator country with a tropical climate i am thankful of any snow given. I'd take em all. I will end every discrimination against less fun snow and more fun snow. We are all equal and special. So housemate and I, come down from our flat, and by the road side to get full experience of it.

My hands were frozen than Elsa's whole existence. Frozen hands, hurt. But despite the struggles, we managed to take some pics and videos. I brought my camera along, it was covered in snow, I don't know if dslr is water-resistant but I need to capture this moment

Winter holiday starts today. And lasts for about a week and a half? I don't have any plans set for it anyway. I ought to see Van Gogh's exhibition on my birthday but i was so depressed that day I could not managed to lmao. I was very very sad lol. I even took a day of work to kinda go somewhere and celebrate for my birthday but I kept crying since morning and couldn't do anything about it. There are good days and bad days huh.

Should I go tho, I'll update if I did. Currently reading about impressionist artists, arts and etc. There is this thicc book from Taschen I'm reading. Haven't finished it yet tho. But so far I really enjoy it.

Anyway currently busy with assignments and stuff. Will update soon can't wait for semester holiday. See ya!

japan.

"Firework festival ". Edogawa, Pixel 3 

Currently, Tokyo @Autumn 2019, sitting down on this ass cold floor seeping an iced coffee that i bought from 7-eleven. This seemed so late because i never thought of this blog because there is obviously a lott going on this year. I don't know compressing the whole story in a blog post is possible but here we go right at it.

Before thatー A lot of sad, sad, sad because she felt a lot lot stupid. Hence, the depressed talks.
March 9ー Home girl graduated !
2 weeks after thatーFly to the land of rising sun. Right at it. Graduated and off she go.
Currentー university student working part time in a trick art museum since summer, basic japanese and forgets kanji, goes to class but does not understand class.

"random street". 7-ELEVEN, Kodak (i literally don't keep track)

I never to put a close bracket regarding my struggles in college. Though before graduating i promised my self to put up an emotional post on instagram, with a long caption on the usual : you did it finally it all worth it. I thought after graduating college i will feel like a burden has been lift off my chest. Relieved. But i would say, it was not like that. On our last week of college, even after the last final exam, we still gotta have to study/took another two subject about geography & economy. One subject per week. And we only have two weeks before graduation. And those two subjects had a test.

So, if i remember it correctly, we finish all the syllabus for those two subject and took the test after two weeks. All batch members cramped up in a room. It was fast, hassle, ending of something but still be doing something. Like driving a car and almost reaching the destination after all this years but still be accelerating, even at that point. I understand and accepted it back then i mean what can i do, it is just how things work. But i wish, i had a proper closure, take look at my batch mates one last time, though i were possibly out of the radar and did not really talk to anyone. But then, took the two tests, graduated, that doesn't even feel like a graduation, two weeks home, with the same buddy that cramp together in a room studying geography & economics, all we go cramped up in an airplane, and here we are.

"twilight from veranda". Home, Kodak #

And it has been a year, and all that was 2019. Most people be saying this year(any year) flies by so fast, uhm not 2019 baby. 2019 felt looooooooonggg to me.

印象に残ったもの
{things that left impression}
I still remember the day we arrived, it was spring, after arriving and getting out of the airport to board a bus, it does not occur to me yet that i am in a different country because i was inside the building(airport) still, until i got out . .

first: it smell different, almost close to no smell at all

second: it is cold, it feels like inside an air-conditioner but the thing is with air-conditioner  you are inside a room, enclosed, stuffy,confined small room so the air isn't really e very whe r e? so i would say it is different from an air-con inside a room. And in a room there are no trees or nature or sky. This one feels like an air-conditioner is cooling down the whole country, lmao. So the birds, the trees the land feels it too.

third: it feels pinker? blue-er? like pastel pink&blue

four: during the bus ride, i remember me and a friend having a conversation on how the streets are pretty similar to malaysia lol. (idk what we expect at that point) but it kinda feel similar to the streets in KL, well based on our observation during the bus ride lmao.

"By the mountains". Near Fuji-san. Kodak#

All in all, even on this 2019 that feels long, i hope it will never end. 
Life now feels much more relax than before, healthier if i must say, more time to paint, more time to fall in love with things that i am already in love with. But you know, time, having to much of it could really kill you in a different way. That is probably how ungrateful i am as a human being.

Sad part of it, i don't really remember much of before. It just past. Like that.

I guess this marks my closure, took a long time huh.

Now that i am here back writing, i'd say this few days has been fantastic, i don't know how that relates but after a long time not writing, i guess back writing kind of keeping me going. I want to keep record of everything possible while i am given the chance to. I love traditionally writing in my diary but i kind of want to insert picture with it, polaroids still too expensive and kinda irrational, lol. Yeah so here we go. Lets pray that i could use every second that i have feeling, seeing, visiting things in the future.

Ciao!

recap on summer;

Since i already get my hands on this blog, why dont i just continue with some stuff during summer. {Disc: Rather than going home i spent a summer here!}Can't believe it, I already passed a whole season in this country! 

<short re-cap>

certain places and stories would have a special post in the future!

So, im writing based on memory because i literally have no written records of this. first, i got myself a part-time job. Hell yeah my first part time job ever. Currently am working at this one trick art museum a station away from my house. How do I get it. Honestly, it all began when we(my housemate and a friend and I)were walking back from this hari raya party we had at this place we rent. And during that time, I guess we were talking about part-time? And this friend talked about his part-time job. And i told em i wanted to work to but I am afraid of the people and the new place and everything. They kinda told me to just go for it, the people are nice. So, on the same night i log in into this app.

(Yeah japan has this app to look for a part time job, legit) 

-and randomly just apply to 4-5? part time job, ever so impulsively. Then two, maybe three job places, but i didn't answer one of em on accident, phoned me. I answer two, went to interview for one, because the second call i got, i was in starbucks having a mental breakdown after done interview-ing for the first call. Got accepted on the same day. Yeah, here I am now, ever so randomly, ever so me, ending up on foreign place, ever so lonely. There's A LOOT that happened related to my and my part time job but lets save that for another post.

second, went to a random trip. flowers & abandoned town! So, on this random day, a friend asked me. Or tell? me or probably we were just having a random talk, about this sunflower field. Then, we end up just go for it. First, i was introduced to this magnificent aesthetic of this small what look like an abandoned town. Took a lot of pictures, it was really nice there. Spent about an hour or two there, wandering around and sitting by the man-made lake there. Then, we left. I would like to talk more but again that deserved another post.

here a snapshot of little shops in front of the lake

Next, a sunflower field. dead/dying sunflower field. It was somewhere near mount fuji. Before the field took a wrong bus and ended up by the road side but it was all good. It let me know one thing, there are soo many things around mount fuji. Including the flower field. Anyway, we came late lol. There are time where flowers bloom and wilt. So, by the time we went there it was already on the next field. Waiting to be demolished by this big white tractor.

here marks the entrance of the second field lmao. basically all the flowers in this field are dying.

Anyway, not all of em are gone, there are one or maybe two left standing; sincerely thank you. Shout out to those sunflowers who now probably resting in peace in cold lands of this upcoming winter. 

 this one reminds me of Forks;in twilight for some reasons, prolly the trees. 

took this randomly by the zinnia field. 

third, roller coasters & death! Fuji-Q! Which reminds me back in my depressing days in college; i used to have this desire where I'd be like "Later in japan if i am ever stressed because of tests and examination, I'd go ride the roller coaster". Did i not regret that. Again, this was an expensive impulsive plan but the near death experience is, i would not word it as worth it? But is something new. Never ride any roller coaster before. And my first one is this devil that goes by the name of ええじゃないか (ae-janaika) which hold two certificates from the Guinness world record. Mid-air, i could not breathe. Or worst, scream. Things i learned so far, when you ride a roller coaster, scream. It is less depressing that way.

Ghost house. The mental hospital. Three from five/six of us went in, including me. The settings were really incredible. There are a lot of things, and it is a big building, we even got tired walking, hand in hands. If you ever see it on running man, I was told there are lots of 'ghost' there but we only met 3? Yeah, they might have put extras on the show for impact. It wasn't that scary, it was just zombies. But the mood and how they set the place up is fantastic. If a malay ghost is paired up with this setting i would have nightmare for the rest of my life. 

All in all it was a great time. Summer in tokyo was hot. The temperature is definitely higher than malaysia. Malaysia is hot too, but this hot is a little bit different. If i am to word it right, in home country it is hot but there are certain moment where the wind blows and there is this certain smell to it, might be the smell of trees or food from the food stalls that might be nearby. And in that moment when the wind blows, it gets kinda cool and breezy, feels calming. Here, they don't have that. At least in my place. :\  So thats all i got for summer recap. Now that i experienced summer i kind of miss it. It is autumn now, it is getting cold inside and outside. As i am of now writing in my rented apartment sipping some coffee sitting on this icy cold floor. Currently 1°C. Missing home.

Anyway, imma start updating everything from now. See you soon, ciao!

art.

To be honest, sometimes i really hate art. And myself because of it. I always asked myself why do i have to like drawing and painting and all this shit. Why can't i just be like other people liking normal everyday things and mingle around. Why do I like sitting all alone in my room enjoying my own solidarity? Why i have to get involved in this art shit. Other people do maths science business, likes going out, having friends, taking pictures, having meal together and im with this shit. And no one gets me. My parent doesnt get me.

And if im normal like the others, Id probably be a little bit smart, some friends, and a clearer future.

I have always thought that it is a phase. i mean i like, have interest on a lot of things. Back then, i used to think that. Maybe in the future I'd be having a conversation and saying things like

"I used to draw, paint back then"

But then i look back, I pick up graphic design, painting sketchbooks all that since i was 12. I am 21 now. Shits been 9 years. I still am doing the same thing now, if not same i just fucking upgraded my shit. From A4 paper to a fucking canvas.

Anyway the picture above indicate that i am currently reading this book of Van Gogh's painting and his life works. That's the Wood Gatherers in The Snow painting i believe. My favorite part of it is the sun set behind or sun rise? I don't remember. But yeah, they are having this exhibition in Tokyo of him and i want to go, but im not even halfway through the book because it is thickk lol. Im afraid going would give me some sort of spoiler or something you know. I think im going anyway tho, on my birthday i supposed. But yeah till then.

(I know they are a lot of things to update and kinda want to show some pictures too. Besides, i like reading things from the past. I hope I have more やる気 to do it. )