senior year two.

ssup. hehe

Not long from now, literally tomorrow I am going back to college from what said the longest 'vacation' we will ever have here and now the vacations ending. You know this makes me feel like that scene from Toy Story where Andy is leaving for college lol. Yall probably wondering why I sound so sad lol like relax everybody goes through a semester then holiday. Well true but our vacation doesnt usually lasts months like everyone else's. As I said this is the longest which is four weeks. And which is like the first time ever in 2 years of college, its usually two weeks at bests.

Unfortunately, it is ending and this year would be the senior year. Oh yes fabulous. I couldn't help but thinking of my senior in high school. It was all glory. I think the reason that I couldn't be happy here in college because I keep comparing the present to my glory;past. But it's hard to forget the rich and glory. Notice how we keep repeating the sejarah melayu melaka in history lol, word. But I hope it is not to late to start living in the present? I mean just for once I wanted to appreciate the people and the situation around me. Stop comparing every person, situation, accident from my present with the past. And live. 

Every semester is grinding and hard works and all that overwhelmed feelings. Sometimes it's the pain that stopped me into realizing the reality beneath. I keep hiding, shielding myself from the world because apparently it is too cruel to me. I am not gonna lie that it forcefully dragged me out of the comfort zones tho, there are days where I felt like it is the end. But sometimes I want to voluntarily step out and fight. I lacked the courage. 

I felt sorry for the one who had to face the masked me because I am too scared. I don't want to get hurt. You deserve more.

This holiday nothing much just the internet as usual. You know usually I recharged myself, my wisdom(ehek) and everything by watching movies and stuffs. But the wifi got cut and I can't download any until yesterday, it sucks. What can I do anyway, not the first time. I had a good time, my siblings here at home, it was good. Heard a bunch of radio lewl you know Music Access with Bernard and Day6 Jae on Monday, (an avid DAY6's fan ehew), probably heard all of em. For some reason I could relate with Bernard most of the time lol. 

About the senior year tho, a year left before flying. I don't know what to expect. Just I always pray I would be happier. Sadly living just feel so bad. I want to get it done at least happier, appreciating people around me, contented. Honestly, I made this promise long time ago but if I get through this, I would just probably wail out and write a blog post about it AHAHAHAH #typical. Managed a few blog posts these four weeks, impressive. Well, I'll update more about it as we go. 

Thank you for all the great experiences. Last day of long weeks of sipping coffee and write a blog post while listening to bomb songs. It has been great. Back to workin'. Pray for me. To all the batchmates (0 probability yall be reading this but im just saying this to myself), we cool , I've said this before friendship may not come easy to us but we cool, and we stay cool. May God bless. 

Cheers.

GEEKS : #SKINCARE {Review : MUJI Moisturising Milk - LIGHT}

Assalamualaikum and hello guys. Here's one of my geeks #skincare collection wow lmao. You know after few do i wanna do it should i do it wew is it finally the time for me to be a beautyblogger thingy going on I finaly decided that I wanna talk about this moisturiser i have been using. Just one of my geeks nothing more. I am going to share my thoughts.

At first I read kak iman's blog post about her review about this product hehew (@imanabdulrahim) and that convince me even more to trying it. And I did so I decide to make a review since there are not much people talking about it, well you can look it up on youtube but here I'll put it to words+include some translation.

Price : RM 22.54 (200ml) approximately. (Disclaimer : MOISTURE,HIGH MOISTURE version has different price up to RM24 approximately.)
Product :
1. There are 3 version of this moisturiser (Fyi, this moisturiser is on their sensitive skin care line)  The 3 version includes LIGHT-MOISTURE-HIGH MOISTURE.

2. Pump and bottle are sold separately (RM 8.90 for the pump) . But it came in with a metal cap (picture above) and underneath is another plastic cap with a small hole so you can pour it and apply. But if you want to use the pump just pull the plastic cap out and screw in the pump.

3. The product came with a paper stuck on it (but I can't show it because I rip it off lol) but literally that is just the translation of one of the side of the bottle like the ingredients and stuffs.

While this side of the bottle says
Read :

• Skincare made of natural spring water. Refresh dry skin. It is very gentle on delicate skin. 
• No - fragrance, color, mineral oil, paraben, alcohol.
• Weak acidic property (slightly acidic)
• Allergy tested (but that doesn't mean it is safe for all existing allergy) so if you have a very very very very sensitive skin take that into consideration. 

4. This is milk type moisturiser so the texture is milky (just like the name really). Not thick and a bit watery. 

5. They have the trial packet. Do look around for it if you don't want to invest that much yet.

Thoughts : Well upon first application, just like my other moisturiser I felt the 'burn'. But my skin does not get hot or anything it just felt like minty cold feeling like that. Like when you eat those minty candy yeah it felt like that, weird af. But upon 3rd time wearing it, it disappears. I made my friend buy this too lol #influencer, yeah she felt the cold airy feeling too but only for a moment and when it absorbed its gone.

p/s : the 'burn' doesn't mean necessary a good thing so if a skin condition follows just stop using it. Just in my case moisturiser usually 'burn' when I'm new to it but then not anymore and it doesn't affect me badly. 

I bought the light ver. one, actually i tested it on my hand, the light and moisture version. The moisture ver. kinda take time to absorb but it absorbed well to my skin, idk the effect on my face tho but the formula gets thicker from light to high moisture. I have slightly oily to combination type of skin and light ver. moisturised enough. I don't feel greasy after applying it.

It has no smell, like claimed. Plus it doesn't feel like it's cheap and gimmicky, does the job & they mean business. Despite being a non-branded product, they took this seriously. and yeah do consider trying this out. It is on the cheaper side I mean 200ml for RM22-ish and IT WORKS?1! Will last you months. #worthit.

Effects : I don't have any concerning skin condition but it sure doesn't break me out. And honestly it works and compared to my other moisturiser it left me with a less oily face throughout the day/in the morning because usually my face gets a bit oily after some time. All in all #doesthejob.

Bought it at MUJI MyTown.

That's for now, if curious do left questions below. Cheers.

Growth.

I was very sad. 

As soon as the old life ends and a new life starts, I can't seem to feel the new life. Lets say it was as if I didn't really live. I let everything follow the flow. I didn't care much. Didn't do much, starts to blame everything on myself, surrounding, to anything else that lives. Sometimes, it wasn't bad as yesterday but sometimes it got worse. I have absolutely no one to talk to at one point I cried myself to sleep but that is okay because no one ever actually notices my present to ask me what's wrong with my puffy eyes the next morning. I totally did not care, I let it go. 

I pray and pray God why didn't you just give me someone? I need to lean on to somebody. It was just me at first, my feelings and the loneliness I felt but later my study, my grades and everything just breaks lose. I felt like my world is collapsing. I'm totally losing it. Did I ever thought to end it? Yes. It was not critical, but a slight. I read about someone taking his/her own life, I didn't wonder why like I used to instead I feel like I understand the action , believe me I would to if I could. Like if that person was doing it in front of me, I wouldn't know the words to say to stop them, I'd probably just will let them do it. Even so, I still felt like mine wasn't that serious, like totally doing it would be an exaggeration at that moment. So, I wondered just how many pain someone could've feel that makes them decides. At that point, I was grateful; mine wasn't that bad.

It didn't solve the problem though, the darkness is still there. Sometimes, it wasn't bad as yesterday but sometimes it got worse. I was in the situation where time is a variable. I could not take a rest, could not try standing and fall on repeat, there's barely time to catch a breath and for sure I have to stand on the first try and not fall. There are no room for failure. I look around to see people with the same problem as me, the difference is I watch them go. I watch the sun rays shine on them, it was late but it came and then they are happy like everybody else. While me, I am still in the darkness. Doing stuffs, hoping it works. Watering the seed, waiting for the sun so I can bloom too. 

I thought I'd be good with a little bit of time and space. It wasn't an option.

You're not trying hard enough.                                  

                                               So what did you do to fix it? 

Did you make effort?                                 Why she can do it but you can't ?

                                   If you did made an effort why it turned out to be like this?

When you feel too sad, you lost a bit of your memory. I guess when you lost the memory you lost the pain. I do the stand and fall on repeat ;the classics, and the higher you climb the more pain you get when you fall. Makes it harder to get up every time. But you can choose to lie down or to get up. And it is not wrong to lie down and let it pass but hell giving up is hard. Giving up is like letting go, but like a time line, you're not moving forward or moving back, you're stuck right at the point when you decide you'd stop walking. Like dying but you didn't move to the other phase, you're in the state of nothing-ness. Stranded. So, didn't it make you claustrophobic thinking about it?

I lash it all out I could. I blame it on the world, the fate, everything. I did everything .As time moves and so did I; I figured out fuck it if it ends then just kill me. So, instead of just going with the flow effortlessly , I paddled my way through. It didn't solve the problem but it got better and honestly, better is all I need. Back then, I refused to let things happened and be angry at all times, when it pushes, I pushed it back, I can't settle. But the way things are, (plus a bunch of depressive tumblr text posts) makes me figure out. Maybe this is growth. 

This is the time where I got molded, where everything just changes, this is the turning point. 

The outcome is not clear yet, the oars are not over, but a thing that doesn't kill you in a  w a y does make you stronger. There could be other turning points in the future. This is your growth, don't let them outgrow you. Even if you're a captain of a sinking ship, make sure you live to tell the tale. 

Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. [Al-Baqarah, 2:216]

Wonderful Giveaway by Raydah Alhabsyi

*click to join

Hey it has been a long time so I decided to join a GA by sis Raydah (which by the way her blog is so prettay) . And since this post might get a little bit empty I included these screencaps. Go check this giveaway out, the more the merrier. Cheers!

adult-ness

ssup. {pardon the long ass post}

Long ass time no see. I don't take note what has changed since i last update this depressing blog. I remember when i told them i delete my old blog ( no reason why , can't recall so i'll blame the depression & mental) , my friend asked my wAAHY?!!1 . I miss the owo(read as emoticon) me. Good sweet ol' owo me. A good kid. RIP

Oh , it's holiday now. Good four weeks of rest before entering next year, next semester of senior year babeh. I cannot say much as I feel like if I mention something, I have to tell the back story since I didn't really update my blog. It has been hell (2017, literally). Study, life, mood, my mental, uhm not good. And when I say not good, I don't mean my smartass friend's 'i flunk the test' not good, because that's shit is the biggest lie smartass people make. My not good means fuck-let-me-sleep-for-3-years kinda not good. 2017 ; is me in the middle of the ocean , half naked, with oars and lightning. and me with basic knowledge on how to swim, barely staying on the surface, basically asking myself do-i-really-want-to-live few times, days night on repeat. 

After what happened end of last year (?) , quite traumatizing for me so i don't exactly remember when or what actually happen that day, what people say to me, what i feel, I honestly don't remember much about it. It didn't drastically cure my mental lol , I don't get constant depression just cynical, but what they say what didn't kill you make you stronger. Tho, i still don't prefer that method. But alhamdulillah, I'm grateful for it. 

2018 tho, did i tell you i am turning 20 this year whaaat as usual, feel 16, look 16, nothing changed since I'm 16, don't fool yourself, am 16 actually. It's just numbers. I honestly expect more, but you know I know you just don't adult overnight. Well, maybe you do but maybe not yet, I think I'm still in my puberty phase. Tho, i noticed that i grow up to be lil bit petty, lil bit of an asshole, lil salty, am i turning to a douche (puberty) , yeah maybe. I still write tho, not on the day it happened but the next day lol but yeah I still do , I hope i forever will. 

Last year was hell, this year's schedule gonna be hell-er man. I didn't even properly checked it yet, but the thought of it already makes me tired. Bismillah, I hope I am at least fully clothed this time in the middle of the oar. 

Holiday has been great. I mean, now im typing on an aesthetic pattern mattress, sipping on cold neslo, listening to this non-japanese singing japanese song wtf and he is so good ;on spotify (Chris Hart- I love you) #goalsaf . This is how everyday I wish to be. Chillin on the internet, checking online stuffs that I want to buy tho I'm broke af , sipping cold drinks okay #goalsaf #brokeaf.

Every semester is a new challenge . Tho sometimes, once you settle in the raging oars, you'll find yourself closer to the shore .

 /heart emoji/